Thursday, June 21, 2007
I am no smarter than a 4th grader, tops
I was just watching "Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader" hosted by mega-gajillionaire redneck comedian Jeff Foxworthy.
"Pastor Ben" had a chance at $500,000 and he got to see the next question, risk-free. The question was:
"Who is the Greek God of wine?"
Pastor Ben is a holy man, so what does he know about alcohol, I think.
I know the answer is "Bacchus." I'm sure of it. I wish I had the chance to win $500,000, maybe a cool million. I would have let it ride. No more "cheats" from the kids - he's already used them all up. I was confident still. I think: "Bacchus. I know because I went to Mardi Gras." I went to Mardi Gras like 4 years in a row, until my then-girlfriend showed her tits and made out with some dude while I was waiting for her at a St. Charles Circle parade. My so-called friend took pictures. That kind of ruined Mardi Gras for me.
So Pastor Ben takes the money - $300,000 - instead of risking the question. I think, "Dumbass."
And then Jeff asks, "What would you have guessed?" Or something to that effect.
Pastor Ben says, "Dionysus" (although he mauled its pronunciation).
I get swoony and the board shows up: "DIONYSUS"
Bacchus must be the Roman version.
Mardi Gras could have cost me a lot of money, in addition to an exhibitionist girlfriend.
"Pastor Ben" had a chance at $500,000 and he got to see the next question, risk-free. The question was:
"Who is the Greek God of wine?"
Pastor Ben is a holy man, so what does he know about alcohol, I think.
I know the answer is "Bacchus." I'm sure of it. I wish I had the chance to win $500,000, maybe a cool million. I would have let it ride. No more "cheats" from the kids - he's already used them all up. I was confident still. I think: "Bacchus. I know because I went to Mardi Gras." I went to Mardi Gras like 4 years in a row, until my then-girlfriend showed her tits and made out with some dude while I was waiting for her at a St. Charles Circle parade. My so-called friend took pictures. That kind of ruined Mardi Gras for me.
So Pastor Ben takes the money - $300,000 - instead of risking the question. I think, "Dumbass."
And then Jeff asks, "What would you have guessed?" Or something to that effect.
Pastor Ben says, "Dionysus" (although he mauled its pronunciation).
I get swoony and the board shows up: "DIONYSUS"
Bacchus must be the Roman version.
Mardi Gras could have cost me a lot of money, in addition to an exhibitionist girlfriend.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
2007-08 - Seasons of the Vol
Hey, it could happen.
I like this photo because I look angry, or disoriented, or both.
Monday, June 18, 2007
So I'm buying a f*cking BMW
They were never my thing, really. Don't get me wrong, it's a nice car, a 2002 330ci. And I'm getting a good deal! I've been driving a 1992 Jeep Cherokee with 200K++ miles since 2000. Before that, it was an 87 Nissan/Datsun Maxima station wagon. And that's in Los Angeles. You would think I'm in line for an upgrade.
I'm not so sure.
Am I a yuppie? No. Am I unaware of the Holocaust? No. Have I done anything to deserve a nicer car? Not really.
But times change. Expectations change.
You get judged. People notice. They notice your car even more than they notice you.
How does this play into my decision-making? Actually, not much.
I've been in a nice car before. You can heat up the seats, and arrange them every which way. A sunroof you can open and close with a button-toggle fascinates me. You can see the digital readout of your radio frequency, PLUS, you have a CD-changer. The sound from your speakers doesn't cause a volcanic echo through your dashboard. Goodbye, cassette tapes! That's good shit.
So I like nice cars, I just never bought one. Now is the time I succumb.
I hope it gets me laid. And respect from the valets.
Because that would be worth it.
I'm not so sure.
Am I a yuppie? No. Am I unaware of the Holocaust? No. Have I done anything to deserve a nicer car? Not really.
But times change. Expectations change.
You get judged. People notice. They notice your car even more than they notice you.
How does this play into my decision-making? Actually, not much.
I've been in a nice car before. You can heat up the seats, and arrange them every which way. A sunroof you can open and close with a button-toggle fascinates me. You can see the digital readout of your radio frequency, PLUS, you have a CD-changer. The sound from your speakers doesn't cause a volcanic echo through your dashboard. Goodbye, cassette tapes! That's good shit.
So I like nice cars, I just never bought one. Now is the time I succumb.
I hope it gets me laid. And respect from the valets.
Because that would be worth it.
