Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Spontaneous Cognition
I just remembered the favorite screen saver I ever had. It was just a scroll in big type with the words:
"I don't go to Vegas to gamble, I go to get laid. I just end up gambling."
I'm going to Grayton Beach, FL the week of Memorial Day. Family gathering type thing. I love that area of Florida, it's gorgeous, and we're within stumbling distance of the Red Bar, which is a really cool little place. Destin area. Anyway.
So here I am thinking of the beautiful white sands and rented-house pool, I'll be there Saturday, and all I could think was:
"I don't go to Grayton to get drunk, I go to get laid. I just end up getting drunk."
Good times await, regardless.
"I don't go to Vegas to gamble, I go to get laid. I just end up gambling."
I'm going to Grayton Beach, FL the week of Memorial Day. Family gathering type thing. I love that area of Florida, it's gorgeous, and we're within stumbling distance of the Red Bar, which is a really cool little place. Destin area. Anyway.
So here I am thinking of the beautiful white sands and rented-house pool, I'll be there Saturday, and all I could think was:
"I don't go to Grayton to get drunk, I go to get laid. I just end up getting drunk."
Good times await, regardless.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Jackie Harvey: Cutting Room Floor
In honor of The Onion and having just tonight watched "War of the Worlds" Tom Cruise-ified, I was thinking I'd do a little tribute to "The Outside Scoop" written by Jackie Harvey. For those not familiar, Jackie is a smalltown print version of a semi-literate-but-more-ebullient Larry King, if you can imagine that. This is the first of what I'm calling, "Jackie Harvey's Pay Cable Reviews."
Item! Just finished "War of the Worlds," and talk about a literal blockbuster! As in, whole city blocks get scorched, and the widespread carnage is magnificently but tastefully done. Based on the classic film by H.G. Welles, this retelling of the apocalypse-with-a-happy-ending is directed by the genius Steven Spielbagler. They just don't make 'em like "The Goonies" any more, Mr. Spielbagler. Goonies 2!
That little DaVinci Fanning is just adorable as the daughter. She is a really, really realistic whiner and crier in this picture. I predict big things for her some day. Her brother is played by the ever-reliable Elijah Wood as a waifish teenaged rebel. Hooray for the little people! And Bravo, Mr. Woods! You looked tall! And young!
But the icing on the cake was the immortal and un-tamable Thomas Cruise Mayfair IV. Mr. Cruise, you ran like a stallion in this film. It must have been exhausting, but that's Hollywood! BTW Mr. Cruiser - Give the Outside Scoop an exclusive on Suri, the new baby you had with the lovely Katie Holmes-Klein, stat! I wish you the best for M:i:III!
Finally, SPOILER ALERT! The aliens die at the end. They get infected by microscopic things.
Next week: BATMAN BEGINS. I Tivo'd it on HBO.
Item! Just finished "War of the Worlds," and talk about a literal blockbuster! As in, whole city blocks get scorched, and the widespread carnage is magnificently but tastefully done. Based on the classic film by H.G. Welles, this retelling of the apocalypse-with-a-happy-ending is directed by the genius Steven Spielbagler. They just don't make 'em like "The Goonies" any more, Mr. Spielbagler. Goonies 2!
That little DaVinci Fanning is just adorable as the daughter. She is a really, really realistic whiner and crier in this picture. I predict big things for her some day. Her brother is played by the ever-reliable Elijah Wood as a waifish teenaged rebel. Hooray for the little people! And Bravo, Mr. Woods! You looked tall! And young!
But the icing on the cake was the immortal and un-tamable Thomas Cruise Mayfair IV. Mr. Cruise, you ran like a stallion in this film. It must have been exhausting, but that's Hollywood! BTW Mr. Cruiser - Give the Outside Scoop an exclusive on Suri, the new baby you had with the lovely Katie Holmes-Klein, stat! I wish you the best for M:i:III!
Finally, SPOILER ALERT! The aliens die at the end. They get infected by microscopic things.
Next week: BATMAN BEGINS. I Tivo'd it on HBO.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
All rights reserved
This deleted post contained sensitive and let's face it, kind of gross, information.
That's all you need to know.
That's all you need to know.
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Alternative Fuel Solution. Bam!
Our President recently pointed out our "addiction to oil" and it got me thinking. It got me thinking about ethanol, among other things. Alternative fuels, you know. Clean burning stuff.
Well hold onto your hats, America. Get ready for a paradigm shift. I'm designing the world's first:
STEM-CELL POWERED CAR.
Think about it. A car that runs on stem cells. It's a living, breathing automobile! It can repair itself! Eventually, if you need to get anywhere, feed it a ham sandwich. It also likes Doritos, I imagine. The point is, we need to align our own nutritional needs with those of our car.
The shame of it is, I don't get royalties for these ideas.
Well hold onto your hats, America. Get ready for a paradigm shift. I'm designing the world's first:
STEM-CELL POWERED CAR.
Think about it. A car that runs on stem cells. It's a living, breathing automobile! It can repair itself! Eventually, if you need to get anywhere, feed it a ham sandwich. It also likes Doritos, I imagine. The point is, we need to align our own nutritional needs with those of our car.
The shame of it is, I don't get royalties for these ideas.
Morony: Word of the Day
Morony: Word of the day
n.
A moron's version of irony.
E.g. "Heckuva job there, Brownie." And almost everything else he says.
[From Greek mron, neuter of mros, stupid, foolish.]
mo·ronic (m-rnk, mô-) adj. mo·roni·cal·ly adv. moronism or mo·roni·ty (m-rn-t, mô-) n.
I subscribe to the "Word of the Day" on dictionary.com and I highly recommend it. Although I received one definition of "CUM" via e-mail that read like this:
cum ( P ) Pronunciation Key (km, km)prep.
Together with; plus. Often used in combination: our attic-cum-studio.
[Latin. See kom in Indo-European Roots.][Download Now or Buy the Book]
Source: The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth EditionCopyright © 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company.Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.
You can understand how that was disconcerting. I thought it was a joke. "Cum" is the Word of the Day? What's next? "Splooge" means, "I'll call you sometime?"
Don't beat around the bush, just say it. People are twisted.
Pick a synonym for "twisted." Insert here.
End communication.
n.
A moron's version of irony.
E.g. "Heckuva job there, Brownie." And almost everything else he says.
[From Greek mron, neuter of mros, stupid, foolish.]
mo·ronic (m-rnk, mô-) adj. mo·roni·cal·ly adv. moronism or mo·roni·ty (m-rn-t, mô-) n.
I subscribe to the "Word of the Day" on dictionary.com and I highly recommend it. Although I received one definition of "CUM" via e-mail that read like this:
cum ( P ) Pronunciation Key (km, km)prep.
Together with; plus. Often used in combination: our attic-cum-studio.
[Latin. See kom in Indo-European Roots.][Download Now or Buy the Book]
Source: The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth EditionCopyright © 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company.Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.
You can understand how that was disconcerting. I thought it was a joke. "Cum" is the Word of the Day? What's next? "Splooge" means, "I'll call you sometime?"
Don't beat around the bush, just say it. People are twisted.
Pick a synonym for "twisted." Insert here.
End communication.
