Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Jackie Harvey: Cutting Room Floor
In honor of The Onion and having just tonight watched "War of the Worlds" Tom Cruise-ified, I was thinking I'd do a little tribute to "The Outside Scoop" written by Jackie Harvey. For those not familiar, Jackie is a smalltown print version of a semi-literate-but-more-ebullient Larry King, if you can imagine that. This is the first of what I'm calling, "Jackie Harvey's Pay Cable Reviews."
Item! Just finished "War of the Worlds," and talk about a literal blockbuster! As in, whole city blocks get scorched, and the widespread carnage is magnificently but tastefully done. Based on the classic film by H.G. Welles, this retelling of the apocalypse-with-a-happy-ending is directed by the genius Steven Spielbagler. They just don't make 'em like "The Goonies" any more, Mr. Spielbagler. Goonies 2!
That little DaVinci Fanning is just adorable as the daughter. She is a really, really realistic whiner and crier in this picture. I predict big things for her some day. Her brother is played by the ever-reliable Elijah Wood as a waifish teenaged rebel. Hooray for the little people! And Bravo, Mr. Woods! You looked tall! And young!
But the icing on the cake was the immortal and un-tamable Thomas Cruise Mayfair IV. Mr. Cruise, you ran like a stallion in this film. It must have been exhausting, but that's Hollywood! BTW Mr. Cruiser - Give the Outside Scoop an exclusive on Suri, the new baby you had with the lovely Katie Holmes-Klein, stat! I wish you the best for M:i:III!
Finally, SPOILER ALERT! The aliens die at the end. They get infected by microscopic things.
Next week: BATMAN BEGINS. I Tivo'd it on HBO.
Item! Just finished "War of the Worlds," and talk about a literal blockbuster! As in, whole city blocks get scorched, and the widespread carnage is magnificently but tastefully done. Based on the classic film by H.G. Welles, this retelling of the apocalypse-with-a-happy-ending is directed by the genius Steven Spielbagler. They just don't make 'em like "The Goonies" any more, Mr. Spielbagler. Goonies 2!
That little DaVinci Fanning is just adorable as the daughter. She is a really, really realistic whiner and crier in this picture. I predict big things for her some day. Her brother is played by the ever-reliable Elijah Wood as a waifish teenaged rebel. Hooray for the little people! And Bravo, Mr. Woods! You looked tall! And young!
But the icing on the cake was the immortal and un-tamable Thomas Cruise Mayfair IV. Mr. Cruise, you ran like a stallion in this film. It must have been exhausting, but that's Hollywood! BTW Mr. Cruiser - Give the Outside Scoop an exclusive on Suri, the new baby you had with the lovely Katie Holmes-Klein, stat! I wish you the best for M:i:III!
Finally, SPOILER ALERT! The aliens die at the end. They get infected by microscopic things.
Next week: BATMAN BEGINS. I Tivo'd it on HBO.
# posted by Dr. Gloom @ 9:26 PM 
