Dr. Gloom

"I can't believe you got MGE's car!"

"Yeah, I know! But it was-"

"I know, you said, it was a good deal. It's nice. Look at it."

He's right, I wasn't looking at it, so I do.

"I love this color."

"It's a classy color dude! MGE probably paid extra for that."

"He did, I saw it on the window sticker, which he kept in a pristine state. Get in!" I say, as a click the remote door unlocker. (I hope it has this feature. I will not know until I get the car.)

"Cool!"

"You can adjust your seats man," I assure Todd. "There's a memory button I can hit to readjust it to my settings."

"Who'd you set it for?"

"Me. "

"Why you?"

"I'm expecting to be a frequent passenger. I like to be comfortable without having to futz all over the settings every time I may need someone else to drive me home. In my car. "

"So... you bought this car so people could drive you around?"

"Well, yeah. Among other benefits. For example: Classiness."

"Sick."

Todd is still adjusting his seats with the sweet automatic controls.

"Better valet treatment for sure," I emphasize. "If I don't tip, they'll just think I'm an asshole, not a downwardly mobile asshole."

Todd is now seat-belting himself. Rubbing all against my tan leather seats. Introducing himself to my upholstery, if you will.

"Man, don't get any of that new tattoo on my seats man." I'm determined not to have a faint dragon imprint on the leather seat of my new (but used) car. Residual value and all that.

"What? My tattoo is completely healed. There's no way."

"Just try to lean forward away from the seat. I don't want to take chances."

"Whatever, dude. Let's just go to Toluca Mart in my car," Todd offers.

"Yeah, sure! Thanks man. Let me just get this CD out of the changer, you'll love it."